I’m going to try to make this post somewhat humorous. Chances are that there will be no one who reads this that wants to be a complete failure as a writer, but just in case you want to some guidance to get there, here you go.
Don’t Write– The best way to fail as a writer is to not write. Forget about commenting; forget about typing your own blog post to refute this. If you want to fail as a writer, you are not allowed to write.
Don’t Read- So you want to ignore my first piece of advice, but you still want to be a failure? Don’t read another book…ever. Books have a bad habit of teaching how a story works, and you don’t that kind of thing messing with your goal in being a failure.
Don’t Revise- Are you sure you want to be a failure? Cause it kinda looks like you are writing and reading. You absolutely cannot revise your work. I don’t care if there are plot holes, character problems, or you switch languages halfway through. If you revise your work, you run the risk of making it good, so stop.
Don’t Edit- Obviously, you are better at failing to follow my guidance than you are at failing to be a writer. I’ll try again to save you from being wildly successful. Do not go back and edit your work. Leave all of the typos, grammar errors, and awkward sentences just like they are. Trust me, this step alone is enough for the Internet to deem you as a failure.
Don’t Get Feedback- (Shaking my head) Can you like, not hear me or something? Whatever, fix that run on sentence if you want, but don’t let anyone read the story once you are done. Other people usually have a brain and it is a lot harder to make something terrible when there are two brains working on it.
Don’t Accept Feedback- I might as well stop. This is obviously going nowhere. Whatever that person says after they finish reading your piece is wrong. Make sure to tell them that too. In fact, feedback is best served through an argument that ends friendships.
Don’t Submit/Publish- At this point you’re not even a failure. I still can’t believe you actually listened to what your beta readers had to say. I thought you didn’t want to go places. Regardless, there is still a sliver of hope. If you just tuck that manuscript in the drawer and never let it see the light of day, it will be almost like you never wrote in the first place, right? Hey! Don’t you dare start another story!
I hope you guys enjoyed this post. As most of you know, I am away for military training so I will be unable to respond to any of your comments until after I return in March. I hope you have a wonderful week, and thank you for reading.